Video online female male ally

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hello once again from the prim Reaper

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I'm taking a bit of a detour from the

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misuse of the word sexism series which

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is in itself a detour from something

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else but with how busy I am things come

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up quickly what can I say

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it's something that I've been vaguely

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aware of for a long time but this whole

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insel business with after the recent

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Toronto attack really threw everything

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into sharp relief ever since that

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happened all I've been seeing on social

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media is from people who are reasonably

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Unversed in men's issues saying these

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people are evil these in cells are

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misogynists men are so entitled to

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women's bodies and so on and so forth

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and sure I have no doubt that some of

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them are misogynists and some of them do

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hold a certain level of entitlement I

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peeked my head into the in cells

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subreddit when that was still a thing

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and it was definitely not a pretty sight

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that's for sure

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however I also acknowledge several other

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important points about this concept that

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a lot of people seem to be constantly

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glazing over forgive me this video comes

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across as slightly stream of thought but

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I have a number of different points that

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I want to bring up and I do have at

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least some rhyme and/or reason for

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bringing them up in this order that will

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hopefully promote greater understanding

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and empathy in people also fair warning

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this one's going to be a little bit more

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on the serious side I think this topic

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deserves a little dignity God knows it's

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not getting it anywhere else

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I've been talking about this subject on

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honey badger radio a fair bit lately one

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of my good friends from there mentioned

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something important the other night that

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I feel is important to begin with here

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there are people who will argue that by

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even merely acknowledging that something

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exists a trend a behavior anything we

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are condoning it by that logic even

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simply talking about the fact that I

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feel that there are reasons that in

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cells exist in the way that they do now

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that some people would argue that I'm

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condoning their actions even the violent

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ones I want to challenge this logic here

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and now I've said many times that I

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don't care what your reasoning is if

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you've resorted to violence then you've

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lost all claim to the moral high ground

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I don't condone violence heck I don't

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even condone being unduly unkind to

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people simply because you feel you've

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been wronged by them and I do most

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definitely acknowledge that there are

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plenty of in cells who participate in

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well unkind behavior towards women

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however pretending as though there

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weren't reasons that some of these

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people became this way pretending as

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though there isn't some underlying

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factor that proceeds the rise of

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sentiments like those being expressed by

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the folks who go out and commit violent

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acts does us no good for two main

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reasons

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first pretending that there are no good

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reasons for the sudden rise in men who

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feel this way gives us the go-ahead to

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just throw up our hands and act like we

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have no idea how this happened and

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having no idea how this happened

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probably means that we have no idea how

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to possibly fix it second behaving like

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these people didn't become this way

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because of some cause assuming that

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these are just some rejects of society

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for no reason at all it gives people the

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license to treat them purely as social

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rejects or even monsters rather than as

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human beings but I'm getting ahead of

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myself

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first of all I want to be clear here

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that I'm not yet referring to the

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generalizations of in cells or of anyone

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else tangentially related to that group

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what I mean when I talk about

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generalizations in this context are the

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generalizations that in cells themselves

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make and not only that but also the

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generalizations that feminists make I'm

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sure you can get a sense of what I'm

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talking about here I'm talking about

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generalizations like all women are like

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that hashtag yes all men all women do

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this all men are like that

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bla bla bla you get the idea both sides

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do this and there are some important

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things to preface this point with that

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are universal to all generalizations

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they are cognitive shortcuts based on

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stereotypes that usually have some

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direct or indirect link to real-world

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experiences that are meant to facilitate

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general discussion around the focus of

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said generalizations neither men nor

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women who use these generalizations are

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arguing from a place of hard facts

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they're usually arguing from a place of

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feelings they're wanting to vent about

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some negative experiences they've had

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and I'm sorry to say that for people in

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that mindset it's often just more

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satisfying and Garner's more attention

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from people experiencing similar things

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to generalize it to all of X or Y groups

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so that others can chime in with their

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own agreements when you feel wronged

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when you feel angry when you feel like

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some horrible injustice has been done

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upon you it's not cathartic to sit and

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logic it out it's cathartic to yell and

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complain about it and generalizations

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are a good way to expedite this process

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especially when your experiences have

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happened involving multiple people

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belonging to the group that you're

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generalizing it's a common psychological

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experience and many many people have

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fallen into this mode of thinking at

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least once in their life so now that we

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understand why people fall into these

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generalizations let's look at some of

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the positives and negatives surrounding

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me you sent them on one hand

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generalizations facilitate general

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discussions they allow people to vent

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their frustrations quickly and moe

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mentally healthy people realize that

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when they're making generalizations

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they're not actually representing all of

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X or Y group in fact most people who

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will talk in generalizations on the

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internet behind a relatively anonymous

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username will behave very differently in

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real life commonly they will simply

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either avoid the group of their scorn

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treat people as individuals on a

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case-by-case basis or they will

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overcompensate and attempt to treat the

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group of people that they complain about

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uncommonly well the people belonging to

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this last category I find are those

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often most hurt and depressed for

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belonging to groups like in cells these

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are the kinds of people who if they

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manage to find a mate would likely leave

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these groups and stop making such

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generalizations entirely either way

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using generalizations helps people to

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find others who have gone through

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similar things which allows people to

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feel more understood and less alone so

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there are some positive things that can

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come out of it on the other hand there

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are several negatives to generalizations

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as well obviously what generalizations

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promote in discussion they subtract in

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terms of proper understanding of the

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other group they can also have a

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chilling effect on an individual's

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empathy with the generalized group for

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example a particularly bitter individual

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who turns to generalizations like all

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women are like that or yes all men might

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find themselves more and more likely to

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feel feelings of disgust and hate

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towards the other group worse they may

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begin generalizing these feelings

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towards their offline treatment of

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others as well although a generally

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well-adjusted person might be able to

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use generalizations for healthy venting

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and then be able to return to a normal

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lifestyle offline after they've gotten

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the chance to get their frustrations out

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a poorly adjusted individual will

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internalize these generalizations and

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carry it with them throughout their

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daily lives even going so far as to look

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for these behaviors and others or to

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misconstrue otherwise innocent behaviors

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as malicious and harmful now there are

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some important differences in the way

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that groups like in cells or

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feminists will do this although in their

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own minds it will likely look very

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similar and also in the way is that

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people will react the to these different

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groups generalizations let me present

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two different individuals going through

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similar experiences and although they

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may appear to be similar at first let me

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point out where the differences occur

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let's start with our SJW she's had a few

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negative experiences of men dismissing

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her she finds an online group to

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complain about it she makes nasty

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generalizations about men her

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experiences may be more likely to be

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born out of defiance rather than out of

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repeated rejection commonly these groups

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will begin to see previously innocuous

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behavior as misogynistic and will now

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notice these things more often in public

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she will continue to make more nasty

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generalizations about men when her

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generalizations are brought into a more

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public sphere she gets well read media

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posting about how men need to be better

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she gets celebrities endorsing her

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political ideologies she is able to post

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her ideas on social media with

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relatively little fear of backlash and

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possibly even people agreeing with her

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she gets plenty of support from people

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both within her community and outside of

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it in some cases

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she's even paradoxically offered a

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representative spot for a suicide

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lifeline she is not seen as a terrible

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person at large for saying these things

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the common outcome demands that men and

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society at large change to suit her

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desires now let's look at our insel he

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has had a few negative experiences of

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women dismissing him he finds an online

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group to complain about it he makes

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nasty generalizations about women his

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experiences may be more likely to be

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born out of repeated rejection he may

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either attempt to swear off women

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entirely or become highly anxious around

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them and may or may not attempt

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self-improvement measures if he

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continues to be rejected he will

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continue to make more nasty

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generalizations about women

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when his generalizations are brought

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into a public sphere he gets people of

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all stripes calling him a misogynist who

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is entitled to women's bodies he gets

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blasted on all forms of medium

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belittling him and calling him a

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neckbeard loser who probably lives in

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his mother's basement he do not post his

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complaints on social media Duras risk

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losing a lot of friends and possibly

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even his job he even has some people

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saying that people like him shouldn't be

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allowed to have jobs because you know

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nothing solves being a lifelong virgin

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quite like unemployability and crippling

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financial insecurity he is seen as a

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failure at life and is often seen as

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fair game for people to make fun of him

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will find relatively little support from

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anyone the common outcome depression

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suicide and rarely violent behavior

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towards others I don't want to sound

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like I'm an apologist for men making

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generalizations about women here

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obviously I really don't think that it's

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the world's most productive way to

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approach a problem and I encourage

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people to see the shades of gray in a

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situation but I also try to avoid

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telling people how they ought to feel

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their feelings or express their anger

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the thing is I know that when women

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express their anger in this way society

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often supports and even loves them for

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being strong and brave and certainly

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never dares to call them out on their

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misandric sentiments but when men do

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this

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they are shamed insulted made fun of and

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are generally made to feel even more

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isolated and alone there's certainly no

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empathy for what they might be going

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through but before I get into that let

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me make another tangent into one reason

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why this might be the case

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there is a certain unpleasant human

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behavior that we have all seen a rise

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time and time again we are a social

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species and in our primal animal brains

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we have all kinds of things telling us

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that people from the in-group equals

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good and people from the outgroup equals

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bad sometimes when this sort of tendency

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goes unchecked especially under certain

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conditions this can lead us to do some

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pretty terrible things to people that we

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perceive to be in the out-group I'm sure

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you can think of many examples such as

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the Holocaust slavery or the depiction

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of Japanese individuals during World War

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two however for the purposes of this

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discussion I'm just going to focus on

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one aspect of this and that's the

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dehumanization of people that we

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perceive to be in the out-group it's

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been happening more and more lately and

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some people might not even be aware of

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the fact that they're doing it again

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this does happen on both sides and it's

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really not great when either side does

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it but for the purposes of trying to

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keep this as concise as I will probably

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be able to get it I'll stick to the

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topical group by throwing out names like

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misogynist Nazi racist and other lovely

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things like that more and more those who

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use these labels are seeing people no

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longer as people but as some kind of

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monsters undeserving of compassion or

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empathy now here's where we begin to get

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into generalizations not made by in

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cells but made about in cells people are

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bringing up the word in cells with

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roughly the same attitude and tone as if

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they'd found a moldy bologna sandwich

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rotting into the carpet underneath their

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Chesterfield I've seen people use the

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words misogynists entitled neckbeards

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man babies dangerous and even terrorists

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and make no mistake they're not

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referring solely to the in cells who

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actively went out and committed violence

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towards others they're talking about all

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in cells that way in cells in the minds

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of the people who are calling them these

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memes are officially being treated like

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a nebulous whole a boil on the back end

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of society that can be safely

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without a huge loss to anyone and when

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you begin to treat a group this way you

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can say goodbye to the possibility of

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empathizing with them worse not only are

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in cells unworthy of compassion but even

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the people who try to empathize with

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them are beginning to be targeted by

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some individuals people who empathize

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with how awful in cells must feel are

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being accused of minimizing the victims

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of the violent attacks committed by one

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or two individuals even if you didn't

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bring up the victims in the first place

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and even if you weren't talking about

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the insel in particular who initiated

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the attack furthermore groups that

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people think are related that often

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entirely aren't see my video on the

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conflation of men's groups are also

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being targeted in the wave of hate

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groups like m-ras

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Nick Towson pas because of the common

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denominator in these groups is men

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people are using this as an additional

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push to spread the idea of toxic

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masculinity and how it's turning people

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into monsters

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and because monsters don't qualify as

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human well we can say just about

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anything we want about them can't lead

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it's not like it has feelings

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let's dial it back a bit because this

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last section has been kind of depressing

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here's a thought experiment for those of

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you watching this video right now who

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are not in cells I want you to picture

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yourself however old you are right now

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wherever you are whatever you do for

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work or whatever your family situation

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is like and I want you to wipe it all

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away

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imagine yourself instead as a small

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child again let's just say a boy for

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simplicity's sake

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imagine that you grew up receiving all

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the same messages as every other child

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did from the media and from adults that

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the primary goal in life is to get

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married and have a family and to live

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happily ever after

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now imagine yourself growing up in a

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home that perhaps did not have the most

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loving of parents perhaps maybe even

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emotionally or physically abusive

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imagine that you didn't get the best

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nutrition growing up so you might be a

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little bit behind in terms of

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development you might be a little

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awkward or short or funny-looking or

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maybe a little chubbier due to your

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parents primarily cooking nothing but

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fish sticks and macaroni and cheese and

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while everyone else is blossoming into

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adulthood you're stuck a year or two

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behind people decide that this makes you

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an easy target for bullying

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so forget highschool romances you're

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lucky if you can get through a day

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without getting tripped in the hallways

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this kind of treatment makes it tough

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for you to do well in school so you

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graduate with a c' average with no

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career or post-secondary prospects this

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only gets worse when your parents decide

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yeah you're 18 time to get out of the

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house so with no money for Career

17:19

Training you've settled for a measly

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packing job in the back of a warehouse

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somewhere with very little human

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interaction you wouldn't know the first

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thing about trying to get into a social

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group let alone a date and it's all you

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can do to afford to keep a roof over

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your head and maybe treat yourself with

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the occasional videogame so that you

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have something of entertainment to do

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with your time maybe you tried to gather

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your courage once and approach a woman

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and ask her for a date and she gave you

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a creeped out look and got up and left

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given that your only experience with

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women prior to

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was that one time in high school when

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that girl pretended to ask you on a dare

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you don't know anything about dating

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women and after this experience you'd

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rather not risk what little pride that

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you have left to bother trying again no

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imagine how lonely you must feel after

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all of this and then add another 10 to

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15 years on top of it can you not

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imagine what that must feel like that's

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something that really bothers me

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actually that the people who most

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frequently criticized in cells have

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never had to deal with this many of them

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haven't been without human contact or

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intimacy for a month let alone a decade

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can you not imagine how different you

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would feel if you'd been without human

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contact for this long in your life if

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you can successfully imagine yourself in

18:41

that position then congratulations

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somehow you just managed to empathize

18:47

even if just for a minute with an insole

18:50

now let's imagine two paths for this

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person path 1 this person understandably

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quite lonely reaches out to an online

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community I feel like I've been lied to

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my whole life I'll never have a real

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relationship with a woman I'm an ugly

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troll of a man I don't even know what

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the point is of remaining alive he says

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miraculously he gets a positive response

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he gets people providing advice or

19:18

support saying I used to be in your

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shoes here's what I did to change my

19:23

situation or I'm sorry that you're going

19:26

through this I know what that must feel

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like or even simply thanks for reaching

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out a simple show of appreciation of

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connection of genuine goodwill perhaps

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he befriends a few people from this

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online community and learns that a few

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of them aren't even all that far away he

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meets up with some individuals and while

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sure he might still be a little socially

19:50

awkward at first he has a reasonably

19:53

good time and he feels a bit better

19:55

about his situation I don't want to

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paint some picturesque fairy tale ending

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for this fellow and say that he

20:03

sup meeting a girlfriend from this

20:04

community and lives happily ever after

20:06

because it doesn't always work out that

20:09

way but regardless there's no denying

20:12

that this person is in a better place

20:14

now after having been shown some genuine

20:16

support and caring now let's see what a

20:20

different path might have looked like

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let's say that when this person reached

20:24

out to the online community he wasn't

20:26

responded to with positive and affirming

20:29

comments instead he was belittled mocked

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and called names someone said yeah

20:35

whatever loser go back to are in cells

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he decides hey why not if the in cell

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subreddit is full of people like me

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maybe I should go check it out he goes

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there and he posts the same thing that

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he posted before and this time he finds

20:53

what you might call support except that

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it's a very different kind of support

20:58

let's just say that it's the kind of

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support that comes with I'm not going to

21:03

deny it a lot of naughty language

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directed primarily towards women

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initially he might say you're being too

21:10

harsh but then he might remember that

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his mom was abusive to him and all the

21:16

girls in high school were unkind to him

21:18

and that one woman that he tried to ask

21:20

on a date that one time was needlessly

21:23

harsh and that the women he just

21:26

encountered that told him to go to this

21:28

subreddit were also pretty dismissive of

21:30

his feelings so he begins to think maybe

21:34

women are terrible people I've seen many

21:37

examples of it and not many examples to

21:40

the contrary and being stuck in this

21:42

social circle he's not likely to be

21:45

provided with many examples to the

21:47

contrary either and when the subreddit

21:49

where he's actually managed to find some

21:52

measure of human contact is deleted

21:54

because hate speech he's going to

21:57

perceive this as being the fault of

21:59

women even further not only are they not

22:03

content with him merely being alone his

22:05

entire life they're insistent on pushing

22:08

him ever further into the margins of

22:10

society not only that but since one of

22:13

the crazier members of their group

22:14

decided that he was

22:16

gonna take out his rage using a truck

22:18

and a crowd of people he's now being

22:20

branded his belonging to a terrorist

22:22

group people are saying that he

22:24

shouldn't even be allowed to work at his

22:26

job anymore

22:27

the thought about I don't even know why

22:30

I'm here anymore

22:31

echoes more strongly in his mind than

22:34

ever

22:35

remembering that in cells are human

22:38

beings and human beings that have often

22:40

been through a great deal of pain and

22:42

suffering and struggle with a lack of

22:44

appreciation in human contact no less

22:47

reminds us that they are deserving of

22:49

compassion and empathy perhaps if more

22:53

of them were shown this level of

22:55

compassion if the default response was

22:57

not to more and more commonly dismiss

23:00

them and call them entitled or call them

23:02

other nasty names or to suggest that

23:05

everything is 100% their fault

23:07

fewer of them would turn to echo chamber

23:10

groups where anger becomes amplified and

23:12

much more common we don't have to coddle

23:15

bad behavior and we don't have to

23:18

pretend that all in cells are innocent

23:20

victims of their circumstances who have

23:22

never done anything wrong that's not

23:24

what this is about at all what this is

23:27

about

23:27

is realizing that responding to people

23:30

who are hurting with dismissal and

23:31

derision is rarely the path to positive

23:34

change we don't have to accept hateful

23:37

generalizations from people but

23:39

responding to hate with more hate is not

23:42

going to accomplish anything but more

23:44

hate and as a side note this is why I

23:48

try to respond to feminist hatred with

23:51

cool-headed logic rather than hatred as

23:54

well though it doesn't really matter

23:57

because they like to call me hateful or

23:59

self-hating anyway whatever man I try

24:04

instead I think that we should try to

24:06

build bridges try to be understanding of

24:09

where other people might be coming from

24:11

I think if we can manage to do this we

24:14

might be able to make things seem a

24:16

little less hopeless for even a few

24:18

people we might not be able to change

24:20

everyone's mind but if even one person

24:23

takes the first path that I mentioned

24:25

earlier rather than this

24:27

I can pass then I think that we've

24:28

accomplished something positive and

24:30

maybe if we can do it for one person

24:33

then we might be able to do it for a few

24:34

more and so on

24:36

isn't that a much more optimistic goal

24:39

than to pretend these people aren't

24:40

human and to say that they don't deserve

24:42

our compassion before I end this video I

24:47

would like to make a quick announcement

24:48

that the Canadian Association for

24:51

equality or cafe are holding a national

24:54

conference in Calgary on June 9th I'm

24:58

gonna put the link to the event in the

25:00

low bar so that people who are

25:01

interested can consider buying tickets

25:04

and honestly I'm just really looking

25:07

forward to the event I think it's going

25:08

to be great I think that there are a lot

25:10

of really great speakers Karen stron is

25:14

gonna be the master of ceremonies which

25:16

is just awesome so I really hope that we

25:20

can get lots of people coming to this

25:21

lots of people generating interest in

25:24

the event because the last thing we want

25:26

is for something like this to get

25:27

cancelled so yeah hopefully you can make

25:31

it and if not then definitely at least

25:33

share share the page around so that

25:35

people who might be interested can

25:37

consider buying tickets so thank you all

25:41

so much for watching and I hope to see

25:43

you all again

25:43

in the next one

25:54

[Music]

from here